Life thoughts: ‘stage-fright’

I was raised by my parents achieving a lot. I was raised to achieve excellence and everything that I can and sometimes even surpassing what I can do. When I was in pre-school, and grade school, I was always one of the best students, and always the student with the most non-academic awards. This continued on ’til I was in high school, joining national and international competitions that pretty much shaped my future and what and where I am today. I am not bragging about anything, besides, this is all His, and all will be gone when we get to meet Him, but I just want to share to you what I’m feeling right now.

So here I am again, doing what I’ve been doing for a lot of years already. But maybe this time, it’s the most serious, the most dreadful, the most intimidating, the most excruciating competition yet.

I have to admit. I don’t think I’m even ready for this. I don’t even think I have enough ability to pull this thing off. Every time I even thin about it, my heart starts pounding as if I’m facing the ‘enemy’. Not THE enemy, but the judges (hihi). I’ve been telling my mom about this, and all she tells me is, “just leave it all to the Lord. He already knows who the winner is.”

But of course! He knows. I don’t. Now what? I have no choice but to do it how God would do it if He were in my place–He would do His very best. And that’s what I’m gonna do. At least I hope so.

So I’m leaving for Indonesia on Thursday for the Young Composers Competition of Southeast Asia. Truly, it’s an honor to be competing with 9 other composers. But of course, as my parents would say, I should strive for the best. Such pressure. But I actually put it all off my shoulders and onto God’s now. I know He can pull things off.

If you just read this, do me a favor, please pray for me! Thank you!

Alexander John ‘AJ’ Villanueva
posted from my Blackberry


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